Chapter Sixteen: Small Pleasures Offset Trauma

I am here to tell you two things: the first is that you don't have to unlock your iPhone with the secret pass code, and then press the symbol for phone, and then find the little graphic that means key pad before you dial 911 to save a 10 year old child who is lying convulsing on the floor from a seizure of some kind. (especially when at that time your brain has clearly ceased to function, your fingers have turned into shaking logs, and your chest feels like it is being crushed.) Guess what, it turns out I am not good under pressure.
I realize this shows what a techno-idiot I am, but I found out after the fact that there is an emergency call button right on the front there. So I could have been garbling my frantic call for help, (while the boy's mother performed desperate CPR), much faster.  Did I know the address of where we were?  Did I mention brain having ceased to function?  I didn't think "somewhere near the Natural Gardener" really cut it.  Nor did "Mountain Crest something."  However, miraculously, five enormous firemen appeared in our tiny classroom very quickly and took over the situation.  The child was transported safely to hospital where after numerous tests that went late into the night and which proved frustratingly inconclusive, he was sent home, feeling "fine."
The rest of us carried on our shaky way and finished out the day. I hope I am never in such a situation again, but if I am I hope to be able to react a little more capably.
The second thing I would like to say, is that cleaning one's baseboards in the bathrooms is incredibly satisfying, and provides a soothing sense of accomplishment.  It turns out I can do a kick-ass job of cleaning baseboards.  Good to know I am good at something. sheesh.

Chapter Fifteen: I had a Dream....

Thank you SO much Martin Luther King Jr. for being such an inspiration to the nation and the world, that not only did you create a better world for all people, but you were honoured with a holiday when I wouldn't have to go to work.  For that I am eternally grateful.  

I myself had a dream that began almost a year ago at the Vatican Museum in Rome.  I purchased a 1000 piece puzzle of the Creation of Adam on the Sistine Ceiling, with the dream of some day actually completing it.  It seems only fitting that I would reach my goal on MLK Day.  

 Here is the proof that I finished.  Now if I am completely honest I would confess that I am not entirely sure that all the sky pieces are in the right place.  This is because there are only two piece shapes in the whole puzzle (I know, ridiculous right??), and some of them were so close that they fit equally well in different places.  No one would really know to look at it, but I know that some of the tiny cracks in the paint surface don't all match up. I find that somewhat irritating, but there we are.... sometimes our dreams are realized in a slightly modified form to what we had originally imagined.
I also got my dream of spending a bit of time in the garden this weekend, so I am doubly pleased that the Rev. Martin Luther King was so wise and, at least posthumously, appreciated.
My dreams are of course pretty shallow in comparison to those of the great man himself, but I am in good company, because in the "I have a Dream" assignment in my first grade class today, I am seeing such lofty aspirations as, "I have a dream that one day my ears will be pierced..."  (sigh)

Chapter Fourteen: The End of Another Season of Good Cheer

Technically this activity is a week late, but I have been falling behind in all aspects of life lately, so this is just par for the course.  But, late or not, the sad day arrived today when I dismantled the Christmas tree and put away all the ornaments for another year. I always have mixed feelings at this time.  The house seems so much more spacious after all the Christmas clutter is tidied away, but at the same time I will miss all the pretty decorations very much.  A year seems a long time to have to wait to see my collection of travelling Santas again, as well as all the other beautiful ornaments. I know that the reason Christmas and all its trappings are so special is because you must wait and wait and anticipate like crazy.  I know it, I really know it. But, well, sigh.... it is hard when you have about the same ability to wait as a one of your six year old students. Well, wouldn't you miss seeing Santa travelling on a trout????! And I'll tell you another thing.

Getting Olive packed away in one of those boxes was not easy!  I'm not sure she'll be happy about the year hiatus either.

Oh well, in any case... to paraphrase A.A. Milne

'to all and sundry, near and far, 

travelling Santas in particular...'

Peace be with you.   

(thanks Gordie for the beautiful card!)

Chapter Thirteen: The Land of Counterpane

When I was sick and lay a-bed, 

I had two pillows at my head, 

Good old Robert Louis Stevenson.  Trust him to have the right poem to describe the occasion.  Except... wait...I don't have all my toys beside me, to keep me happy all the day.  Dang!  Sometimes growing up is such a bugger.  Well, wait, I guess that isn't entirely true.  I do have one toy beside me.  It is called an iphone.

So here I lie, with the flu, reduced to creating my own version (in pictures) of the above classic.

When I was sick and lay a-bed,

I saw my counterpane of red,

 (I like to call this "field of red"  and as a work of fine art I believe it will be worth millions one day, and will be loathed vociferously by a young person I know....  just lying here waiting for the money to start rolling in.)

And sometimes two long hours would pass,

Staring at pencil and a water glass,

(pitiful really, not nearly as entertaining as lead soldiers.)

And sometimes as I lie there sick,

My mind plays psychedelic tricks.

( I like to call this "delirium", oh wait, no, this is the painting hanging on our bedroom wall.)

I am the whale, great and still

That wallows on my pillow-hill

I fear a diet I must greet

when once I'm risen off these sheets.

(I attribute in part this last morose desire to lose weight, to the depression that comes with illness.  I also blame the doctor's office which weighed me with my coat and scarf and shoes and everything, resulting in a horrifying figure.) 

Oh, and by the way, Tamiflu is possibly the most expensive medicine out there...at least in my experience.  Am I the only person who didn't know this?? Now, that is a scam.  Sheesh!  Those drug companies have sunk to new lows... there you are at the pharmacy counter, feeling achy and feverish, and they dangle a medicine in front of you that might help ease your discomfort. But in order to have it placed into your sweaty palm you must first give them either your life savings or your first born child.  I did offer them my second born child who was all I had with me at the time, but they wouldn't take her so I had to pay out my life savings.  It better work.

Chapter Twelve: The Meaning of Rain: Before... and Now.

You know, before when it rained... (and by rained, I mean that water sluices down in sheets, all day, from low-hanging leaden clouds), it meant that the garden would be soaked and everything that had looked wilted and parched would be given a new lease on life.  It meant that flowers would suddenly bloom.  It meant that the grass would turn a fresh and electric green, and feel springy underfoot.  It would also mean that I would watch with great excitement as the rain barrel filled to over-flowing, and a feeling of security for the future well-being of the garden would settle in.  A good Texas deluge would mean the much anticipated thrill of seeing Joe Tanner closed as water swirled dangerously over the road from flash flooding. Rain was joyful.  Rain inspired dancing barefoot. But that was before.
Now...? well now, rain means Indoor. Recess.  Every elementary teacher's nightmare. Rain now means six year old children cooped up in your closet-sized classroom, clearly displaying the well-known scientific fact that their energy level increases in inverse proportion to the amount of time they are able to spend outside.  As they are not able to spend any time outside, they are all on the verge of spontaneous combustion.  Rain now means that you are stuck in the same small room as children who have not yet absorbed the meaning of "indoor voices."  Rain now means you must spend the day with ten children who are closer in spirit to puppies or poltergeists than humans.  Rain now means that you must plumb hitherto unknown depths of patience and in the end resort to the last and only means of saving your sanity.  Yes, now a rainy day means sitting in a room that could be mistaken for a tornado, and finding salvation in the laminating machine. Yes, the laminating machine.  Why? Because every piece of paper you slide in one side, comes out shiny and plasticated on the other. You can derive a great deal of satisfaction from a laminating machine.

Oh sure, if you've the luxury of writing a garden blog you can post about all the lovely rain, and what it is doing for your plants.  I live in a different world now.  A wilder, messier, noisier, bug bite, paper cut, you aren't my friend, I can't find my coat, my finger hurts, broken pencil, lost eraser kind of a world.  All in all, an insane world, but kind of fun sometimes too.   

Chapter Eleven: Thanks Olive

She's a lovely thing, really.  A bit of a nuisance though, and she doesn't fit very well on the tree. Oh well, at least it wasn't my favorite ornament.
Oh, by the way, the real reason for this post is because I took this photo with my new iPhone, and then sent it by email to my computer, and from there added it to this post.  It's a Whole. New. World. out there folks, so look out!

Chapter Ten: Ten Things To Be Sure To Do Over the Holidays

Fitting, I think, that the 'ten things' chapter should be chapter ten.  If you haven't thought of your own ten things then you better get cracking because the holidays are almost over.
 Here are my ten things:
1. Sing all your favorite Christmas carols, preferably more than once. Check.  Although not really more than once.
2. Eat lots of food, preferably of a high fat content. (It's winter. We need to store up fat to keep warm.) Check.
3. Do a one thousand piece jigsaw puzzle. (Make sure it is a good picture.  There is nothing worse than looking at a crappy image for long periods of time) Almost check.
4. Be sure to eat twelve different kinds of Christmas cake (one for each month ) so as to be sure to have good luck in the coming year. Crap. Haven't even started # 4.  Looks like it might be an unlucky year.  Although come to think of it, even in my youth (back in the day when people actually made fruit cake) I don't think I ever managed to find twelve different pieces of Christmas cake (aka fruit cake), and I have made it into my fifties.  (Supposedly you could do this because people would invite you to tea over the Christmas holidays and if they were worth their salt they would offer Christmas cake with the tea.  I actually almost managed it one year, if you can believe it.)
5. Write thank you notes to all who gave gifts. (double and triple crap!  I need to get on that)
6. Watch your children play so much Assassin's Creed that you aren't sure that they can have brains left in their couch potato heads.  Check, check, and check.  Maybe that will make up for my shortfall in 4 and 5.
7. Pick up the pieces of glass from the smashed Christmas ornament that went flying and hit the window when the gray cat leapt manaically from the top of the tree. Check. sigh.
8. Stay in your pyjamas for as long as possible on a given day despite snide remarks about the slothfulness of your behaviour.  Be sure to nap at least once on this day too.  Super check.
9. Care for the sick. Unfortunately... check.  (Although truth be told, I'm not really a very good carer.)
10. Drink alcohol with your friends. More than once.  More than twice if you can. Happily...CHECK!

There.  Get busy.  Make yours.
Oh wait:
10.a. Avoid making New Years Resolutions. At all costs.  Pointless endeavour, really. (check)
10.b. Avoid all things work related for as long as you can.  This one is very important.  There is no point in ruining a perfectly good vacation with anxiety and stress. Big check on this one.