Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Chapter Nine: What Christmas Means to Me

Christmas means singing all your favourite anthems and hymns on Christmas Eve. Christmas also means getting up earlier than you really want to get up, because even though your children are all older now,
they still aren't so old that getting to the Christmas stockings isn't an exciting and much anticipated event.  (Joseph contained himself on this particular morning by reading Babar and Father Christmas out loud to Willah while she finished the most wonderful Christmas card ever for Glenn.)  As you can see, we did eventually we get to the stockings and they were all extremely satisfying:
Christmas means an uneasy feline truce... which I recall being the one thing I hoped for back in June: that both cats could be in the same room without killing each other. Mission accomplished. Sort of.
Christmas means the most beautiful tree in the world,
it also means getting new underwear in your stocking,
as well as really weird things like glowing teeth guards.  (well how cool is that!?)
Christmas means hanging favourite ornaments like gilt oak leaves, and the collection of travelling Santas.

Like glass ornaments brought carefully back from Venice,  and retro metal ones like steamers with wheels.
 Christmas means making sticky buns for breakfast when your brain is so confused and tired that you aren't sure if you got the ingredients straight, but which always seem to turn out just fine anyway.
 Christmas means loving the baby Christmas tree too, with its white lights and little felt ornaments.  Christmas means sneaking a quick nap and then going for the obligatory, brisk walk around the neighbourhood and wondering if it was really worth it because it was actually  freezing cold outside, and my ears were numb by the time we got back.

Christmas means having Christmas crackers at dinner and a family who doesn't mind wearing silly hats.
Christmas means being really tired. But happy. 

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Chapter Eight: Heaven is...

spending the eve of Christmas Eve watching "White Christmas" on TV with all your family around you.  It was particularly good because we could relate to the brown, snow-less landscape that was causing the demise of the old general's ski lodge business.  Not that we have a ski lodge business. Although, maybe if we did have a ski lodge business there might have been the chance of a Christmas miracle of snow for us on Christmas Eve.  However, it was heaven because of the previously mentioned gathering of family.  I loved watching the slightly bemused looks on the faces of our three children as they watched this great Classic, and whenever Max noticed me looking at him, he'd ask me what I was staring at.
Yes, it was a lovely bonding moment for us all.  The eldest checking the computer periodically, the youngest asking if we couldn't watch an episode of Modern Family instead, and the odd squabble with the middle child for taking up too much room on the couch. I smiled and smiled.  I couldn't help it.  It was all good.

Friday, December 21, 2012

Chapter Seven: Travelling in Erudite Circles

Yes, I most certainly do.  A recent example: A few days ago I was privileged to take my first grade students to a Nick Cave art show at the Jones Center in downtown Austin. Since there were not enough drivers, I drove four young art lovers in my own car.  After the field trip, (which was wonderful, and spent largely trying to keep small hands from touching the art...) we drove back to school.  I listened carefully for pearls of youthful wisdom about the beauty and importance of art, and was privy to the following conversation: (We were travelling west along sixth street, nearing mopac.)

Student One said matter-of-factly: " This looks like the road we were driving on when we went to Dallas and we were stuck in such a bad traffic jam I had to pee in my water bottle" (whoa, way to get the conversation started!)
Students Two, Three and Four: "Eeeeeeeewwww!"
Student Two: "Was there still water in your water bottle?"
Student One: "No I had finished it, that's why I had to pee."
Student Three and Four: "Eeeewww!
Student One: " Later we had to stop at a McDonald's, so I could get a sprite because I was thirsty and there was only pee in my water bottle."  (more eeeewwws)
Then the conversation really got rolling:
Student Three: "Hey, spell 'I cup"
Student Four: " I-C-U-P."
Students One,Two and Three:  "Ha, ha, you said: I see you pee." (Hysterical laughter)
Student Three: Spell 'Mississipi'.
Student Four: "M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I"
Students Two and Four: "Ha, ha... you said pee pee"  (and on it went all the way back to school)

WHaaat???  Were you expecting something about colour and texture? Movement and line? Sheesh.
There you have a wee glimpse of my life these days.  Ah, the joys of being six.  Eat yer heart out all you university types.
God Bless all first graders. Everywhere.

p.s. I am asked to spell "I cup" at least once every day.

Monday, December 17, 2012

Chapter Six: I Can See Clearly Now....

I can see clearly now that the progressives are gone.  la la la la la...
What this means for my eyes is that, on their behalf, I decided that I would rather have clarity in one field of vision than slightly blurred vision in all fields.  I know, I know, progressives are supposed to do the opposite,   but not in my case.  Maybe it is because my eyes are too shifty. hmmm.  Not sure.

But the bottom line is that now I can see, and I am here to say that what I do see with the UTMOST CLARITY, is that this country needs to have some gun laws.  Sorry to bring this up, folks, but there it is.
I feel impotent with frustration about this issue.  I want to shake the stupid people who feel that it is their right to have guns in their homes. For WHAT???  I want to scream (capital letters mean shouting in typing).
So that people who have not received adequate medical care and understanding in their lives can use them on innocent people to vent their rage and frustration?  This country is being held hostage by the NRA.  And they need to be held accountable for their actions and views.  They, (whoever they are...)  need to be pinned to the wall and made to justify each of the deaths that have occurred because of the lack of gun laws.
I HATE THE LACK OF GUN LAWS IN THIS COUNTRY!!!!!!!!!

So there.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Chapter Five: Merry Christmas Olive

Christmas came a bit early for Olive.  Now, you are probably wondering why we would lavish such an extravagant gift on Olive when the rest of the family will be getting a dishwasher for Christmas. Considering her behavior this fall has often warranted landing her permanently on the naughty list, you might see this as bit unfair.  Well, to quote the words of a very wise curmudgeon I knew, "Life isn't fair." (Just make sure you put a lot of emphasis on the word life, because that's what tends to stifle any further complaints or whining.)
What is this wondrous present, you ask? Why, we put up the Christmas tree. 
Whoa!!!! Olive said.  They brought the outdoors inside FOR. ME.!!   Naturally Olive was quite pleased with her gift, and it took her mere minutes to circle, sniff, and then... climb.  Right to the top.
Yes, this is Olive comfortably reclining about one foot from the top of our seven foot tall tree.  So far, it has not tipped over.  After climbing all through and around it, this is where she decided to settle.  Yah!! 
Hey, you down there... Check out my new perch!  Waaiiit, I think I'll come down now.
Hold on! Here I come!!  Hmmmm. I wonder what will happen after we put on the lights and ornaments.?  
 Christmas. Just. Got. Interesting.

Friday, December 7, 2012

Chapter Four: "All I want for Christmas..."

There has been lots of discussion about what people want for Christmas.  There always is at this time of year. I like to provide the Eeyore viewpoint on Christmas present possibilities, and I usually hint that any Christmas at all is fairly unlikely. (Beside, wouldn't it be nice to be completely content with a broken balloon that fits perfectly inside an empty honey pot?) I have played this role for years now, and my children who are now older, no longer look at me with worried expressions but see through my grinch-like facade. I am told that I say that every year, and there are always presents at Christmas.  Ha! However... this might be the year to say "Never Cry Wolf"?
One would think that having two jobs in the family might mean that not only would there be Christmas, but that it would be celebrated in a style and opulence hitherto unknown in our family.  One might think that, but, one would be wrong.  Because if both adults are working and are completely consumed by the demands of their respective jobs then they might fail to notice the strange wrinkling in the kitchen floor.  Their heads are so off in the clouds you see, that they don't notice the floor until water squishes up between the boards, and their socks have suffered repeated soakings. Well, would you look at that? (they say in bemusement) The whole kitchen floor is ruined. Humph. How annoying.  After the plumber comes, it is determined that the dishwasher is the culprit, and needs to be replaced. How nice.  Wasn't I just saying that what we really wanted for Christmas was a new dishwasher, and new flooring?  I'm sure I heard the kids say that's what they wanted too.  Well kids, it looks like you are going to get your wish after all.  And to think the parents were talking about silly things like cell phones and what not. Dishwashers are MUCH bigger, and have almost as many buttons.  Hurray.
I did buy myself one present though, (which may be slightly unfair seeing as everyone else has to share the dishwasher), but if I happen see a travelling Santa ornament where he is using a new and different mode of transportation I just have to buy it. And yesterday I found him on a camel.
 I like it.  I think it presents an interesting blend of the secular and the religious. Santa as wise man? Absolutely.  Maybe not as fun as Santa riding a polar bear, or Santa riding a pig, but still quite whimsical on a more elevated level.
As for the dishwasher and floor, well, I have also heard the possibility of walking on concrete and hand-washing the dishes discussed, so maybe there will be a Christmas afterall.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Chapter Three: Literary References

Just a little side note.  Literary references are useful because they can draw interesting parallels with  the ideas you are voicing.  Take the mention of the poem Leisure by William Davies in the comment section of the last post.  Being reminded of those beautiful words gave me pause for thought, and as I drove to and from work the next couple of days, my mind kept drifting back to Davies' images, and I decided that in fact, right at this point in my life, I would rather be a cow under a bough, than have to deal with she-who-shall-remain-nameless, although of course, I would only want to be the kind that lay around in green pastures and was milked regularly by a comely milkmaid with gentle hands. However, there are particularly bad moments as well, when I realize that even being someone's hamburger would be an improvement.  I could just be swallowed and digested and... well, you can see where this is going.  Aren't Literary references great!?

Monday, December 3, 2012

Chapter Two: The benefits of ADD

It is an age old story, and we have all heard it before.  Most of us have read a similar version on the internet.  Well this is the pictorial version.  And I hope to put a positive spin on this affliction.
A woman sits down at the dining room table to start planning for next week's lessons.  She looks to the left and has a nice view of the garden out back.  She looks to the right and sees that the curtains are still drawn in the living room windows.  Well, that can't be.  If she is going to plan she needs to be able to see outside in both directions.  She gets up to open the curtains.  Once the curtains are open she notices that the newspapers have not been picked up off the driveway yet.  Well, we can't have that.  It looks like no one's home.  So she goes out to pick up the papers.  As she picks up the papers she sees that...
another Datura blossom has opened.  This is clearly a notable event because it was the first of December after all.  She is still Canadian enough to be able to marvel at a bloom so lush in December.  SO, she decides she should take a photograph.  She runs in and upstairs and gets the camera.  The above photo is captured,
as well as this one,
and this one, because the wrinkly effect of the petals almost looks like albino elephant skin.  Well, she thinks, as I'm out here, (and as she hasn't looked at her garden for weeks), she decides to have a little photo tour to see what was there.
The Mexican Firebush is looking very autumnal with rusty leaves and red berries turning to black in places.
The leaves are almost prettier than the flowers and berries.
Well, after that, she noticed:
that the Copper Canyon Daisy was out in full bloom.
And even though she knows that she has already taken a million photographs of this plant, she proceeds to take...
a million more.
Because, well... why not.  She loves it.  Rose-coloured glasses for sure.  As you can see a happy hour drifted by, and finally she made it full circle back to her computer.  But then she had to upload all the pictures, and then check which ones were worth keeping.  More time passed.  Hmmmm.  Planning?  What planning?

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Chapter One: Final part

Farewell Palo Duro Canyon.  I hope we see you again sometime, although I would wish for slightly warmer temperatures. Or at least the possibility of a fire.
 We took to the road again, to head back to Archer City, but we went through Amarillo this time,
 SO, we were able to see the colossal feet of ozymandias...
 AND the Cadillac Ranch, which was as good as I had imagined.
 Willah is pleased with herself because she has actually added some spray paint to that wheel.
(Notice the camping clothes she brought with her...)
 Here they are. Cool, eh?
 Here they are with the intrepid campers.
 And, here they are with the woman who sometimes wears rose-coloured glasses.
 After that the drive was pretty uneventful.  Except that on the way back my new obsession was the beautiful oil drills that we saw every few miles.
 Once again I heard caustic teenage remarks about how really stupid it was to take pictures from the moving car, because obviously they would all be crappy photographs. Yes. Maaaaybe. But if you do that often enough, the driver might stop the car...
 and then you can get out and take a photograph.  You see?
This time we made it back to Archer City with five minutes to spare for the bookstore.  A few books were purchased.  Although they did not have copy of the Lonesome Dove.  Well, actually, yes they did, but it cost $800 so we didn't buy it. Instead I bought a t-shirt that says: "This would make a story if there was anybody to tell it." -Woodrow Call, Lonesome Dove.
Now in case you were paying attention and read the other parts to Chapter One, there was a burning question posted on the movie marquee in Archer City and we were hoping to find out how it was answered when we got back. You maybe surprised to hear this, but NO ONE knew the answer.  In fact, and this is harder to believe considering the whopping size of the place, most people we asked (and we asked several) hadn't actually noticed the sign.... this is a two street town!   Seriously?? What is wrong with you people?!  Don't you go out at all? Harumph.  Glenn actually left his office number with the lady at the grocery mart so she could call, if she managed to find out.  (She promised not to put it on the bathroom wall).  Somehow I doubt very much if we will ever know.
And, thus endeth Chapter One.
Oh wait.
This wee fellow came home with us from the Rustic Relics.  He suits our cactus bed pretty well, we think.

Chapter One: Part Four

The first night of camping arrived and brought with it, as suspected, the colder temperatures. Luckily we all came prepared. For Willah, being prepared meant that she had been able to persuade her mother to take her to Target to buy the essential camping equipment: footie pyjamas. 
Yes.  As you can see the wise mother is wearing hat and scarf and a cosy coat.  The beautiful daughter is wearing the rather amazing fox-themed pyjamas. (A fair amount of the evening's conversation was centered around what would be the most appropriate name for the fox pictured above. And I'm not talking about the girl. Right now that name escapes me, but if I remember I'll let you know.)
Of course, the best feature of the pyjamas were the adorable fox faces on the feet (say that ten times really fast).  You can see obviously why a person should not embark on a camping trip without such an item of clothing in one's suitcase.  Needless to say, Willah was warm all night.  However, as she is never cold, I am not sure if we can really attribute her warmth to the pj's.
Now, you are probably wondering how one spends one's time in the evening at a campsite where the temperature is dropping minute by minute and you are not allowed to build a fire because it is too dry.  Well, I'll tell you. You all go into the children's tent and you rig up a lamp so that there is sufficient light and you play cards.  A clearly evil specimen of childhood is pictured below. I believe he was enjoying the fact that he was winning.  Either that of he was jagged up on hot chocolate.
However, you should also notice that he has not yet realized that cold means cold. And still the children claim they are not cold and long for some really low temperatures.... 
Early in the morning Joseph sang a different song. He hadn't slept ALL night.  He was SOOO cold he had thought he was going to FREEZE.  He was SOOO tired from not sleeping.  Bad Camping! Bad Camping!  Nice early morning sunrise though... You see, if you are so cold you can't sleep, you do get up early and jump around to create warmth.
Here is our tent by the way.  We pitched it behind our actual campsite so that we would not have RV's butt up against us.  And when we were soooo cold, you can be sure we made lots of scathing remarks about people who think they are camping, but who climb into their cosy heated beds at night. HA! We said bravely. (If somewhat enviously).  But we had bought a little Coleman heater to take along, which one person was able to warm fingers over... so it wasn't all bad.
But let's skip ahead to the beautiful 11 mile hike we went on.
No.  I'm not being sarcastic.  It was beautiful. And the complaining about fatigue really didn't start till about mile 8.  Any earlier complaining was, as usual, directed toward the woman who found that she still derived a huge amount of pleasure from the close-up details of small, often dried plants, and so fell behind regularly to take pictures such as the one above.
We saw the most amazing rock formations.  This one Glenn decide looked like the Sphinx (and thus it became named), but Glenn decided that the Palo Duro Sphinx was actually MUCH better than the Egyptian one, and generally we all concurred that the 'real' Sphinx is rather a disappointment. (mainly because of its sad surroundings.)
Check it out.  Like a huge rosy, white striped skirt for a giantess.  I'd wear it.
Really impressive.
Back to the minutae.  This little plant caught my eye because the centers were pale lavender. I thought it was beautiful.  I am sure no one else saw it.  Certainly not the mountain bikers who were whipping around the trails. Shame really. (An aside about the mountain bikers, which until we got to the more well worn trail, were the only other people that we saw:  Glenn commented that when he looked at them all he could think about was how much money they had all spent on their bikes and gear.)
Back to the rocks.  These huge sheets of smoothish kind of mustard yellow and red rock were also impressive.
As were these little sprays of gold.
And these.  Now, just fyi. Palo Duro Canyon is having a photography contest... with entries for professional and amateur photographers, and there are different categories: landscape, plants, people.  And yes, I do want to send in a picture.  So feedback on the best choice would be much appreciated.  I am thinking of course that I should send in a plant entry, but I am open to suggestions.
This was the destination of the 11 mile hike (round trip) by the way: A rock formation called 'The Lighthouse'.
And here it is.  (I got vertigo trying to take this picture.) (Mainly because I knew that just a little to one side of me was the drop off pictured in the photo previous to this one.) (You know me and heights)
This is one happy camper!!  It was spectacular.
And just because I knew it would generate remarks about me being a creepy stalker photographer from my children, I took this picture of a little German girl, because she looked so great sitting on the rock.  Too bad she isn't my child, because then I could enter this picture in the people part of the competition.
On the way back to the campsite, our party decided to split up.  This was our first mistake. Here's what happened:  Glenn really wanted to add an extra trail loop to his hike but Joseph was feeling tired and wanted to go straight back. I said I would go back with Joseph, and Glenn could go on with Willah. (Notice I am implying that it was Joseph who needed to go back.  Okay, the truth was, I was damned if I was going to add two more miles to the hike.  My aging back and hips were already aching, and I was SOOOO glad that Joseph wanted to walk straight back.) So, we parted ways.
Before we separated we had the following conversation: Glenn said: "You take the car keys then, because you will get back to where we parked first, and if you want to, you can drive back to the campsite, and we will just walk back when we get to the road."
Cathy said: "Okay, but don't worry, we don't mind waiting for you at the car."
Glenn said: "See you in a while then...
Now you would think that this would imply that there had been a car key hand off at that point. Right?  An honest assumption? Right? So when about a mile down the track, I checked all my pockets and didn't find the key, it would be natural to assume that the key had fallen out. Right?  And of course it would also be quite natural to FREAK OUT. The above picture is about where I made the awful discovery,
which was shortly after I took this photo of some driftwood that both Joseph and I had decided look just like a Komodo dragon.
What would you do?  Well you have to try and find the keys right?  But your child is exhausted and is trying to face up to the ugly possibility that even if he gets back to where the car is parked, he is now going to have to walk from that point back to the camp site. You decide to send your child on to the car alone. Yes, I know, a plan that also seems kind of worrisome.  But you do it anyway, and you yourself back track along the trail (with your eyes scanning the path), to the place where you parted company with the other two members of your family. No luck.  Quiet desperation sinks in.  As you walk back to the car on your own, a myriad of scenarios run through your head.  How will the key be replaced?  What if Glenn or Willah have sprained their ankle and when they hobble out of the bush exhausted and in pain, thinking that at last they can get in the car, only to find that the key is lost? Or the more real and worrisome thought: What if Joseph turned the wrong way when he got back to the road, and was wandering, tired and miserable, away from the car, but you can't go and look for him because you can't start the car....? And on and on.  By the time I got back to the car, (where Joseph was in fact patiently waiting), the marriage had crumbled, and I had moved back to Canada.  Gawd!
I told Joseph to wait by the car for the other two while I walked to the "Trading Post" to if someone there could help, but before I could get half way there, I was startled by a honk behind me, and when I turned, well there they were approaching in the car.  Well, by gum. Didn't that beat all! And what a royal pisser that I had wasted the last hour or so of a beautiful afternoon, ready to commit myself to a sanatorium. Now you see what happens when BOTH the adults in the relationship get senile at the SAME TIME. It isn't pretty.  Sheesh.  I tell you what. I needed a whack of ibuprofen, a half hour lying down, and then a goodly amount of wine to recover from that scare. So when the Park Ranger got out of his truck once we were back,
and walked over to tell me that I was not allowed to drink alcohol in public at the camp site, well, it was all I could do to refrain from telling him where to go.
All's well that ends well though.  And clearly Willah was not even remotely bothered by the whole event, and if you own footie pyjamas, you own the world.
Joseph was a little scarred I think, but possibly more by the numbing cold he was not psychologically prepared for.  This picture captures our morning quite perfectly I think.
And here you see Willah trying to warm herself in front of the postage stamp sized propane heater.
Ah well, we were very brave I think to do it, and on the whole it was beautiful and worth it.  No really, it was....
But now let's pack up the campsite and head home (via Cadillac Ranch of course)
p.s. the fox was named Felix I believe.